I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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