HIV tests are more positive than that guy
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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