I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
