We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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