OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
