it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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