I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
