There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
