Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
