I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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