so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
