Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
