that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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