So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I am morally bankrupt
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
