did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
