Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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