Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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