the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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