farters have to be the big spoon...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Im part way to drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
