My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
