She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
