you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
