May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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