So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
