sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
