I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
