Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
