the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
