i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
