yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
