addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
