god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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