just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
