he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
