Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
