Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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