It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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