i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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