Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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