He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
