you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
