Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
