Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
one two three fourrrrnication!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish I only lived at night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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