And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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