There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
