naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
