david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
