Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
