I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
