Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
