I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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