Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
