my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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