dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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