Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
